I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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