Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
When are your genitals available?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
