It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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