Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
