Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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