I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
