I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
