everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
this will be a night to untag.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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