yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
