she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
