walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
