Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
