I showed him my bush... on skype.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
