I must be too annoying 4 u.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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