Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
