I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i out mim tonsoeep
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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