She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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