i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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