Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
