do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
