I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
