it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
