im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
