I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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