i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
