Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
