i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
