I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
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