I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
