I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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