Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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