I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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