His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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