I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's rum buckets o'clock
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
