Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
