please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
