I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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