i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
