It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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