life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
