At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
