plz talk dirty to me
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
