Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
