i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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