Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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