I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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