yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
