so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
