We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Randomize
