now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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