It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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