I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
