It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
