My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
When did angry sex become our thing?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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