I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
