I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
