Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
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I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
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Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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