You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How does it feel to date your dad?
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