C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
