dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
