I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
