I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
