this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She needs sedatives and a leash
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
