it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
