I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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