walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
