First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Sober January is a disaster.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
