mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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