Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
