How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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