my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
