Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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